Why do we lose ourselves in structures? May be we never learned to create within a structure or with others. We always have running away to a save place, where we could be what we are without a structure. Probably we have never been in a structure that is us and with people that really allowed us to be. Perhaps you see that two sites show up: a) to be with others in the ‘real’ world in a 3D-structure and on the other side of the record: b) to be with us, alone and in harmony or unison.This record is one and the same, not to divide but the music is different. Heavy, dark, loud, desperate on side a and soft, light, bright and gentle on side b.
Whenever someone comes around and catches us we lose distance, wings, adopt a new life and try to break free when we stay in this new structure. We hear side a. We are surrounded by people, by constructions as laws, rules, instructions, orders, expectations, conventions, categories, stereotypes, time, pressure, “you have to”, “you need to”, “you must”, “do not say: I want; say: I would like” (in german: Sag nicht: ich will; sag: ich möchte.), with people who love our ideas and use them to give them a common form, a common structure or they want us to do so. Sometimes it can be helpful, if people do it with the understanding of you, if they really see you and your qualities. Sometimes it can be painful and you feel misused or misunderstood.
Who wants to be ruled? No one.
Why do we hide? We want to listen to side b. And some of us are afraid of (uncovered) freedom. There is this hole in the ground you can fall into or the universe that takes your ground and you feel as if you would swim in the dark matter. But there is still light and there is still you. This reminds on something.
Your essence, your will or your inner nature calls you: do not forget about the you.
What a dilemma! Now you can not run away, you probably do not have the time, the place you where hiding in previous days, the person you used to talk to, the animal or tree or beach you went to, the sport you did, the book you read. There is nothing at all that ever held you, supported you, sucked you through a rabbit hole to a tea party. No side b to perceive.
Wake up. Grow up. Now it is time to create and play.
Why is it so difficult to play the real game? Old Emotions and abscondence. They show you the cluster you are in. Whatever has started at a single moment it is still there. It continues. You are still in this cluster, a kind of structure, a spiral. You are a victim of old habits. You created your pseudo freedom by fleeing and you still want to run away or break free.
You get angry, furious, speechless, breathless, sad, you feel hurt, disappointed.
Oh, the spiral extends, your cluster becomes more and more solid. You lose your calmness and yourself. When did it happen to you for the first time? Go back to the scene. When did you escaped for the first time in mind or action? And why was it so difficult to stay where you were and with whom you were?
Your memory in your brain and in your entire body holds on that trigger point or trauma.
You are still in the age at that time. Your body prompts the experience and acts the same as long as you can not hear and do not change. Breathe into it. Listen to it. Don’t be afraid. Run away as often as you need to, you can not miss the moment that teaches you. Yes, presumably it will hurt. It has hurt you before when you were a lonely child, a child that could’t deal with the situations, a child that lost its ground and trust or confidence.
It is all part of the game.
Being alone and being alone is not the same. You are alone in your hidden place or your are alone in the wide truth with people. Sure your world is part of the truth and you are part of the crowd. Can you see it? It is one record. You not get lost. You are what you are – in the moment. There is nothing that clings to you. And even structures disappear with the dissolving mark in your history – not by radically wiping it away, just natural, soft and doubtless.
The music changes, sounds good like your own Queen compilation. Both sides of the record become you.
Here you feel the freedom of you. A freedom you can take to every place and into every structure. It teaches you to say “no” or “lets create something together”.
It teaches you that the separation of someone’s structure and your freedom is just an illusion.
“It’s time to break free” and “spread your little wings and fly away”.
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